A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States. The “white” problemhas been a topic of much debate in the Native American community for centuries, and community leaders have decided the time has come to properly address it.*
Daily Currant reports, “At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent’s large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds.”
“We are prepared to offer White people the option of staying on this continent legally and applying for citizenship,” explains Chief Wamsutta of the Wampanoag nation. “In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.
“Any white person with a criminal record, however, will be deported in the next 90 days back to their ancestral homeland. Rush Limbaugh will be going to Germany. Justin Bieber will depart for Canada. And the entire cast of Jersey Shore will be returning to Italy.”
Illegal white immigration has been rapidly increasing for nearly 400 years from the European countries of France, Spain and England. These illegals have ravished the land and colonized areas occupied by the natives.
Some white supporters claim the immigrants are a blessing, arguing that they take all of the menial white-collar jobs that the natives don’t even want. ‘What native would want to have a cushy salary and a corner office as an accountant, or the excess of power assenator or fortune-500 CEO,?’ they claim.
Others are not so forgiving. “Why can’t we just deport all of the Whites back to Europe?” asks Ité Omácau of the Lakota people. “They’re just a drain on our economy anyway. They came over here to steal our resources because they’re too lazy to develop their own back home… I can’t believe we’re just going to let them pay a fine. They should get to the back of the line like everybody else — behind the Mexicans.”
*For the offended… this is satire.
Since you’re here …